Our fourth year wedding anniversary is coming up in September and I am still totally ecstaticly silly and crazy about Isaiah. Lately I've been to a few wedding showers and it still amazes me how I can't get through a single one without hearing a snide remark about the first year of marriage and how annoying or ignorant men can be. All it takes is that one comment and then the conversations spread like wild fire..."Yeah, my husband couldn't do laundry if his life depended on it!"...."Don't be suprised if the sex isn't that good."... and on and on it goes. It's like we women have to sit there and warn, prep and scare each other in order that we might be prepared for the worst. I don't mean to be an idealist, but doesn't that sound a little twisted? Like maybe if we talk about how bad marriage is going to be then maybe, just maybe, it won't be so bad once we're there because we spent all this time preparing for the worst! Come on! Shouldn't we be building each other up? Shouldn't we be encouraging a future bride by giving her helpful tips such as; find joy in small things, comminucate with each other, listen to and at least pretend to be interested in what the other person is saying, respect one another, give without expecting to recieve.... I think that if I were one of these brides-to-be I would be thankful for the encouragements rather than the ruthless banters against marriage and men.
7.21.2006
Our fourth year wedding anniversary is coming up in September and I am still totally ecstaticly silly and crazy about Isaiah. Lately I've been to a few wedding showers and it still amazes me how I can't get through a single one without hearing a snide remark about the first year of marriage and how annoying or ignorant men can be. All it takes is that one comment and then the conversations spread like wild fire..."Yeah, my husband couldn't do laundry if his life depended on it!"...."Don't be suprised if the sex isn't that good."... and on and on it goes. It's like we women have to sit there and warn, prep and scare each other in order that we might be prepared for the worst. I don't mean to be an idealist, but doesn't that sound a little twisted? Like maybe if we talk about how bad marriage is going to be then maybe, just maybe, it won't be so bad once we're there because we spent all this time preparing for the worst! Come on! Shouldn't we be building each other up? Shouldn't we be encouraging a future bride by giving her helpful tips such as; find joy in small things, comminucate with each other, listen to and at least pretend to be interested in what the other person is saying, respect one another, give without expecting to recieve.... I think that if I were one of these brides-to-be I would be thankful for the encouragements rather than the ruthless banters against marriage and men.
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6 comments:
AMEN!! Marriage is hard enough without people tinting your glasses before you even enter into your vows. I struggled with that a lot before Nate and I got married and it threatened to squash my joy. Good thing I looked to God for my answers instead of these "well-wishing women".
(I miss you Rachel)
I think I would take a different tack on this one (and HI Rachel! Yay! I am so glad I will have a way to be in touch with you more! And your lucky b/c T never comments on mine! :))...I think for sure a wedding shower is a stupid place to talk like that, but it's a bonding ritual, too, and I get that. It's just a bit inappropriate, to say the least, if you don't know the bride-to-be well enough to know she'd get the humour or even think it's funny.
But i do thing that those of us could do soon-to-be-brides (and I mean close friends only here) a great service if we talked openly about marriage and de-mystified or made real the fact that it's not perfect.
I was reading something about this last night (funnily enough) and I need to get my hands on it to get the exact quote, but I thought, wow, well said...we do need to be more honest about the realities of marriage up-front and talk about it with honesty so that some won't be dis-illusioned when they face hardships.
There's a balance (like I love all the beautiful things you said we could be saying - so true!), but maybe honesty and vulnerabilty could prevent divorces and bitterness, too.
But in all that I do appreciate your point...I was just thinking about it from another angle last night.
And I LOVE blogs that make me think, and look at you! You did on your first venture out...so thank you! :) And I'll def. be back.
(Hope you don't mind me processing what I read last night out loud with you. :)) And I miss you more than T. does.
And P.S..... I LOVE the name of your blog! Very cool. :)
Thanks for the insight Misha! This is why it's a good idea for me to get my thoughts out in the open -- now I have something to chew on. I agree that we should be open and honest about the realities of marriage, but I also think that there is a fine line between belittling the men we love and giving an honest perspective on married life. It's soo good to hear from you Misha AND Teresa! I miss you both way too much! Oh yeah, and Misha, your kids are getting more and more beautiful each day.
Well said Rach! I remember before Nick and I got married, women would make comments that almost made me feel sorry for them (and their husbands). It was such a blessing when a married woman told me "cuddle a lot and enjoy the little blessings, like eating dinner together every night." I miss you tons and appreciate your thoughts!
Yay!!!! I am SOOOOOOO excited that you have a blog, Rachel! I miss you so much! Blogs are such a great way to keep in touch. I showed Erik your blog and he laughed really hard when he saw you guys' "new" truck :)
I agree with you about marriage and not belittling your man. While I think that Misha raises a good point-that we should also talk to future brides about the realities of marriage- I think that can still be done while showing grace, respect, and love toward your husband. When I was in Bible college, one of my teachers (a guy) said that one of the best ways to show your spouse that you love them is by never talking bad about them to other people. I have always respected and admired that about YOU, Rach. You have always spoken so highly of Isaiah; it is obvious that you are still madly in love with him, even after four years! :)
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